Everytime I think about this I want to heave. THIS is too much. First the book tells me that I need to moderate my behaviour in all regards because I have no boundarys, then it tells me that my adult self isn't even authentic, that my adapted child self, who filled in as my hurt child's protector is now posing as the adult.
What am I suppose to do with that? I like who I am. I worked hard to be the best me I can be, and that included trying to be open and 'real', but now I'm reading that all of it is suspect. If what I'm reading is true, then how can I trust anything that I think or feel?
I'm not sure about anyone else but I have a basic instinct to protect my indivual idenity, and being told that how I am isn't truly my authentically adult self, and that all that I am needs to be fixed, puts me into protective mode. I'm feeling a bit like I'm the only individual left in George Orwell's '1984' and I've half a mind to give Big Brother the finger , and tell anyone who thinks that I'm not the way I should be to just take a hike and be done with it.
And yes, I hear the childishness and hurt in those words, but I was a lot less mixed up before I began trying to fix myself, and right now Im feeling that the only one I have in my court is that adapted child protector.
Like anything else you can't take anything you read literally on every single fact .
ReplyDeleteTHE WRITER does not know YOU, they are speaking in general.
Nobody knows YOUR heart and all the things that make you uniquely YOU ,
I think it very wise to listen to your own heart . Maybe it's best to put the book down if it's making you feel worse . Having somebody objective to help you thru without dictating how you're supposed to think and feel makes sense to me .
Don't create more angst for yourself going it alone .
If you are seeing a recurring theme That is causing troubles in your life maybe that is what you need to look at .
Healthy boundaries are, well , healthy!
If the book is accurate about then one up and one down thing, (and it does feel right) then the extra angst came from my older adapted child self (the one up). That's the part of me that fears loosing it's identity. He's, (not a typo) the one that puts up a fight, he's a protector and he's judgemental about anyone who hurts the lonely little one, the one down. He's possibly the part of me that is judgemental about anyone who doesn't try to be a good person; I do feel a divide in me on that subject.
ReplyDeleteYou are right; the writer doesn't know me, doesn't know how far I've come in dealing with my past. That upstart youth isn't always posing as my authentic adult self. It's just that when he does its harder to identify, and there are actually times when I DO need to tap into that stronger, more defiant part of who I am.
I think the trick might be to assure him and I don't want to get rid of him, but he can relax his guard, because's he's not the only one taking care of things anymore. - I don't think I should assume that I am getting rid of these extreme parts of who I am, but will be stepping into the middle of them whenever something triggers their responses, introducing the more moderated, adult interpretation, so that I don't lose control in either direction.