True Self

I've always known myself to be a gentle and loving soul. But it  bothered me that people didn't see me that way. I felt hurt and angry that I was so misunderstood, and I had no idea why.

In hindsight, I realize that there were many things that were getting in the way of people seeing the "real me", - that anger, for one, fear of being rejected, another. - With anger and fear I built a defensive wall between myself and the world. Not only did that wall cut me off from those with whom I wished to connect, it blocked any chance that my need for recognition and acceptance would be fulfilled. 

So I figured it was either do or die; if I was going to grow into the person that I alone knew, if I wanted to be accepted for who I truly was, I had to allow myself to be open and vulnerable; I had to let people see the me that hid behind that wall.  

I am still afraid, and I still hurt, AND, I still get rejected on occasion, but I have noticed that there no longer seems to be such a huge gap between how I see myself and how others do. 

And do you know what the magical thing about all this is? - When someone tells me that I am acceptable, that they like, or even LOVE me, it touches me deeply, - because I know that who they are accepting, who they are saying they love, is the real me. 

( This the first piece I wrote and presented as a Worship Associate for the First Unitarian Church of Victoria, during Reverend Melora Lynngood's Nov. 30th service: 'True Self'.)

  

Inner circle

You know what it's like when you're not well or you're hurting, how you pull inward and seek the comfort and support of your inner circle of friends? What happens if there's no one there?   I really could use a close friend.

Just putting it out into the universe

Maybe an internet prayer, who knows. But I really would like it if I had some one who I could count on to be there for me.  It's not that I'm jealous of others, it's just that I really could use that in my life.  I don't mean to complain, but  I give  so much of my time to others.  Is it so wrong to want something of the same for myself?

Dar's 5th rule for living a happy life

Give your attention to those who choose to have you in their life. Life is too short to spend it trying to convince someone that you are worth their time. Give your time to those who appreciates it, and you will know then the true value of what you give. 

Dar's first four rules for living a happy life.

1. We each are responsible for writing our own rules.
2. If someone criticizes you, it says more about them than it does you.
3. No matter how hard you try, you can't make someone understand you when they're not listening.
4. Try not to judge people too harshly when they won't listen; sometimes their own lives demand all of their attention and they can't focus clearly on what you have to say.

Life is messy

                                                                                      

Life is complicated and messy. People are complex. We can live our lives  from a safe distance, and keep everything simple and clean, or we can go for the gusto and jump in and get dirty. ... Which do you choose? 

(Life lessons from Fizz)

Reflection

I think the hardest thing in life to learn is how not to be a reflection of that which causes you irritation, discomfort, or pain.  Too often our reaction to the these negative vibes are just as negative, and for that moment, we become the very thing  that we are defending ourselves  against. 

Self love

There is a frightened and gentle child within me, and one night while holding her in my arms as she cried herself to sleep, I made a promise to protect her, and give her everything she needs.