Maybe an internet prayer, who knows. But I really would like it if I had some one who I could count on to be there for me. It's not that I'm jealous of others, it's just that I really could use that in my life. I don't mean to complain, but I give so much of my time to others. Is it so wrong to want something of the same for myself?
Doesn't seem at all wrong Dar. If you figure out some secrets, please share.
ReplyDeleteI have heard lots of platitudes, and what goes around comes around works very slowly in my experience.
That's exactly what I was referring to Halle. All these saying that people talk about how if you are loving and giving that is what you will have given to you. It's not true, not if your not like everyone else, and have issues that you are working on. My wife is never there for me, always telling me how everything is always my fault, my family won't have anything thing to do with me because I refused to accept my Mother's blame for everything that is wrong in her life, and expected her to treat me respect and love. My Minister just told me that I've had to many things that I needed to talk to her about and so tells me that my continuing to write to her is crossing her boundaries.
DeleteI have an old friend that I use to talk to but we hardly talk any more, so I would feel that I am imposing if I approached her now. Another friend, someone who I know is kind and loving, and would be there for me if she could, has so much happening in her own family I just can't ask her to be there for me as well. Two days a week, I work on the production of my Churches e-weekly. I'm the sole member of the my Churches Diversity committee, and I'm trying to organize something where we can be of some help LGBTI refugees, and I'm responsible as well for our involvement in our cities pride parade and festival. I'm the co-creater and facilitator of a Depression and Anxiety Peer Support Circle at my church. I'm there for everyone in my life, but I have no one there for me if I need to talk.
I know someone is going to read this and think that I'm being ungrateful. But that's not true, I'm very grateful for what I have, and I'm very grateful that you responded to my post Halle, thank you.
What's funny about all of this is that things have been going well, and I've come out the other side of all trouble, and I'm becoming the loving and giving person I know I can be. Learning from my Minister's teaching and having her counsel available to me has brought me to this point where I can begin to be my best self, but now she tells me that I'm a problem for her. She has become one of the most important people in my life. I love and respect her opinion more than anyones.and so I don't know how to deal with what she's said to me. I don't feel welcome anymore.
DeleteOf course there is little someone far off who knows nothing of the details can say, yet I am a fool so here I go.
DeleteThe only minister I ever confided in was a wonderful person but as it turns out was consumed by personal demons that could not be shared.
Reciprocal arrangements don't seem to work with professionals in general. They are often 'on the clock'.
Not sure if any of this applies.
It kinda of applies but not the stuff about being consumed by personal demons. The only demons my Minister suffers from is not having enough hours in a day to care for all that she does, and possibly feeling stressed and needing her own space. ... Sometimes I think people who care for others occasionally need to be on the clock to protect their own self interests.
DeleteMy needs were many and I took advantage because I got much of what I needed. I look up to my Minister because she is a very good and passionate woman. I still feel that she said somethings that weren't very considerate of me, and my relationship with her might never be as pure as it was. But she is human, and if there is one thing I've learned from her, learned from both of my Minsters, is that even though this world can be an ugly place, there is grace and beauty to discovered and shared, and I am equally as responsible to creating it as anyone else.
Just an aside, I attend a Unitarian Universalist church. The kind of judgement that some might expect in more traditional churches doesn't exist there. My Ministers are women, and they are married to each other. And I've often made jokes about my gender Identity, saying that I could fill in as a male presence when the single man in a group felt lonely surrounded by a room full of women. My gender identity is not only tolerated, it's accepted.
DeleteAnd you're not a fool. You're a very kind women. Thank you.