True Self

I've always known myself to be a gentle and loving soul. But it  bothered me that people didn't see me that way. I felt hurt and angry that I was so misunderstood, and I had no idea why.

In hindsight, I realize that there were many things that were getting in the way of people seeing the "real me", - that anger, for one, fear of being rejected, another. - With anger and fear I built a defensive wall between myself and the world. Not only did that wall cut me off from those with whom I wished to connect, it blocked any chance that my need for recognition and acceptance would be fulfilled. 

So I figured it was either do or die; if I was going to grow into the person that I alone knew, if I wanted to be accepted for who I truly was, I had to allow myself to be open and vulnerable; I had to let people see the me that hid behind that wall.  

I am still afraid, and I still hurt, AND, I still get rejected on occasion, but I have noticed that there no longer seems to be such a huge gap between how I see myself and how others do. 

And do you know what the magical thing about all this is? - When someone tells me that I am acceptable, that they like, or even LOVE me, it touches me deeply, - because I know that who they are accepting, who they are saying they love, is the real me. 

( This the first piece I wrote and presented as a Worship Associate for the First Unitarian Church of Victoria, during Reverend Melora Lynngood's Nov. 30th service: 'True Self'.)