You see, I believe we are all connected, that we all are part of an interdependent web of life. Not only do my actions have repercussion along and within this web, but I have a direct responsibility to those I come in contact with, to accept them for who they are, and to treat them with the same decency, respect, and compassion that I believe all people deserve.
Indirectly and directly what I do and say affects other peoples lives, and I cannot escape the responsibility of this. What amazes me is that I could believe in what I do, and not realize that how others see me is a direct indication of how successful I am in walking this talk of mine.
Indirectly and directly what I do and say affects other peoples lives, and I cannot escape the responsibility of this. What amazes me is that I could believe in what I do, and not realize that how others see me is a direct indication of how successful I am in walking this talk of mine.
In short, if those I come in contact with see me as a positive part of their life, then I must be doing something right with treating them with said decency, respect, and compassion. At the very least, the opposite indicates that I am not being very successful at it.
But now I have a problem. In a way, I've just given myself permission to gain the approval of others, a temptation I've tried very hard to avoid much of my adult life.
Up until now it's been easy for me to keep the two motivations separate; for me to decide if something was the right thing to do I simply had to remove the incentive of person gain, and if it still looked good without it, it was the right thing to do. But if another's approval is an indication of my getting my interaction with them 'right', how am I to judge if what I am doing is for the right reason? Now that doing the right thing could very easily give me something I desire and need, how will I resist the temptation to see all personal approval as an indication that I've done the right thing?
To me, there are no set rules, Dar. I'd rather be loved than loathed, be good company rather than be avoided, and make others smile rather than frown.
ReplyDeleteAnd having people I care for approve of my individual beliefs is better than to have them dismiss them as being boring or trite. We are what we are, different to everybody else, and so our personality is a combination of upbringing, education,experiences and environment.
I tend to think that compromise - with people you care about - in the sense of finding a way through conflicting opinions, may be the way to go. We need to have balance, and to be able to disagree while still respecting another person's point of view, without attempting to radically change it because we think that our take on any given subject is right.
Being happy in your own skin does not come easily, if at all.
If you stay true to your beliefs and principles people will be drawn to you for your integrity. They are like minded people.
ReplyDeletePeople who wont be seen with you because you're not wearing the latest style or carry the latest gadget, are insecure with themselves and have to point out other peoples flaws to build themselves up. We don't need to seek their approval.
The first group of people will like us for who we are.
I really have to work on this.
Thank you Gar for being who you are and for getting my mind thinking this morning. I might even copying my answer and post it on my facebook page so my kids will see it. (they seem to pay attention to things I put on facebook more then if I just tell them)
Bonnie and Mike, thank- you, I really apreciate your comments. I am writing a reply, but it's just too late to finish it. Ill get back to this, I promise.
ReplyDeleteHi Mike; I'd rather be loved than loathed too, man, but I think if we compromise ourselves too much for friendship, we don't gain anything from the resulting relationship. We need people to love us for who we are, not for a super imposed self that we put on so that people will like us better.
ReplyDeleteI can't compromise my beliefs to gain friendship; I simply believe its wrong to put personal gain ahead of doing the right thing. I know that I have jeopardized friendships by speaking up for what I believe is right. I've hurt people by telling them the truth because in the long run I believed that they had more to gain from knowing it. Each time something like this happens, I feel sad that I might lose the friend involved, but I don’t know what else to do.
If a friend were make a joke about a black man being so black you could see nothing but the whites of his eyes or his shiny white teeth, or about fat women lying on beaches looking like beached whales, should I not speak up and say something? On facebook today Pat shared a cause; it happened to be bogus, some prankster getting a rise out of people getting upset about animal abuse - should I have not said anything to her because I might hurt her feelings? Her hearts in a good place, but the propagation of such nonsense petitions is detrimental to the future effectiveness of the medium.
I don’t know what to do. On one hand I have the importance of what I believe in and my integrity, and on the other hand I have a responsibility to treat everyone with kindness and respect, to say nothing of not wanting to lose friends.
Bonnie, luckily, I don’t know anyone who is as shallow as to put fashion as a priority. No one that I know of has ever disapproved of me because of such things. Mostly the problems I have stem from my speaking up against something, and I know one thing for certain - people only admire your integrity when you speak up against something other then what they have done or said.
How can we say that our truth is what someone needs to hear, but how can say that it isn't?
ReplyDelete