A Letter from New York

I got a letter a few days ago, not an email, but an actual envelope delivered by the post office, with a stamp, an address, and a return address label stuck neatly in the upper left hand corner. I didn't recognize the woman's name on the label, Kathleen Warnock. Do I know a Kathleen Warnock, I asked myself... Then I saw the address under the name, New York it read, and my heart rate sky rocketed. New York was where I sent off my short story, 'Letting Go of Baggage'.

"Oh my gosh, this is it" I thought, standing there looking down at the envelope in my hand. "It's either my first rejection, or my first acceptance letter..."

I had almost forgotten about sending off that story; I've been so busy establishing myself as the best darn weed puller in the neighbourhood that I hadn't prepared myself... Whatever it was that was written on that piece of paper inside that plain white envelope was going to rock my world. I stood there looking at the envelope in my hand.

"Oh for cripes sake, open it', the voice inside of my head chided, so I ripped it open, taking extra care not to tear the paper inside....

"Dear Ms Levy'

This letter is to confirm the receipt of your submission to Best Lesbian Erotica 2010. The email you included with your submission bounced, so would you be so kind as to email me with your current email?

Your submission is currently being read. If it is chosen as a finalist, I'll let you know within the next month to six weeks. If it is not a finalist, I will still let you know...
....
Cordially,
Kathleen Warnock
Editor, Best Lesbian Erotica 2010

My email bounced. ... I must have proof read it all over a dozen times, and laboured over the format till I thought it was perfect, ... and I made a mistake on my email address! LOL!

Kathleen Warnock, Editor, Best Lesbian Erotica 2010, is a very nice woman to send me a letter asking me to email her with my current address. She could have just as easily shrugged her shoulders and said to herself "oh well, another one for the trash bin."

I'm keeping the letter anyway, it's the first time an Editor has ever written to me, but I'm refusing to count down the passing time of a month to six weeks.... Who am I kidding! LOL.

Baths are for butches too!

I had a bath last night, first I've had in a very long time. Now don't get me wrong, I do shower on a regular basis. I'm not a grubby, but I've always disliked the idea of just lollygagging there in the hot water with the soap suds, the day's dirt, sweat, and dead skin cells, all floating about in there with you. I've always opted for a shower because I thought it more efficient for washing those ucky things off of you and down the drain. I've also always thought that baths were for wooses; you know, the whole idea of pampering yourself... It just didn't sit right with my grin and bear it attitude .... Well let me tell you, baths are for butches too and I'm a convert! :)

Since I've begun my handy woman/garden maintenance business, my muscles have been aching, and I've pretty much accepted that as a fact of life. I've even come to enjoy the feeling at the end of the day, seeing that tired ache as a sign that I've put in a good honest day's work.

Recently though, my hands have been aching too, so much so that I've been awakened at night with the discomfort. So last night while washing up a few dishes I noticed just how good my hands felt in the hot water, and I had this incredible urge to submerge the rest of my arms into the sink, and then because I only managed to do so up to my elbows, the rest of my body cried out for the same luxurious treatment.

So in a moment of weakness, I ran a bath. I filled the tub as high as it could be filled with water as hot as I thought I could bear. ... I stepped in and slid into the tub... Oh my gawd... My toes and feet were the first to feel the effect, then my butt and thighs, my calf muscles, then up my back, to my shoulders and neck, and then my arms and hands. ...Did you know hands float? LOL. I didn't know that. (Grin)

Eventually the water began to cool, so I drained out about half and filled it again with hot water. What Indulgence! My whole body relaxed into a gelatinous state as the tension in each muscle eased and my joints and tendons clicked happily into a more comfortable position. I don't think I could have moved even if I wanted to... I lay there for the longest time in complete and utter bliss, submerged up to my face in hot water until I saw my floating finger tips begin to prune, and the water in the tub began to cool once more. ... I felt a few moments of regret as I watched the last of the warm water swirl around my ankles and down the drain, so I promised myself then and there that I'd have another bath soon.

I then showered, toweled down, and changed into my softest flannel boxers and cozy t-shirt. My partner took our dog Fizz out for her nightly piddle, so I didn't have to shed the comforting warmth that enfolded me, so I slipped it all in with me between the sheets, kissed my partner and pooch goodnight, and fell swiftly into the best sleep I've ever had.

I slept like a baby all though the night, and this morning my muscles and joints are nearly ache free. Life is good. My body and soul are in top form, and I'm rearing and ready for another day of hard work. :)

Common decency

Today I got another long term client, an older woman who has fallen down and hurt her hip and shoulder and can't do a lot of things for herself. Her daughter has been saying to her, "Mom, you gotta find someone to help you." So I'll be working for this woman three hours a week, gardening, - and this part I couldn't help because she needed me - mopping her kitchen floor and vacuuming. ... I wasn't thinking I wanted to do house work, but she was so grateful to have found me I couldn't refuse... I'm sure that the stuff about "Mom you gotta find someone to help you" is just a precursor to: "Maybe you should think about selling the house and moving into a retirement home." So it feels good that my working for this woman will be buying her some time before she has to do that. :)

I told a friend about it this evening, and she replied back saying it was wonderful and kind of me, and that I was an angel, that we reap what we sow, and that good deeds are rewarded....

Now, I'm feeling pretty good about myself, but not that good. I don't think I've done something special enough that it deserves such praise, and certainly not something so great that I should let that praise go to my head. I was just being a decent human being, and after all, I will be getting paid for the work I do. My good feeling came simply from being in a position that allowed me to exercise my own principles, but that's all it is, principles.

I'm not looking for a reward. I already got it. I feel good about my decision and I'm sure it will be appreciated, and that's all I need.

That's all anyone should need, don't you think?

Whistle while you work

I've been pretty low for most of this week. On Sunday my partner's father informed us that he can't help pay our property taxes like he has done in the past, so we have three months to come up with the money, making it somewhere around five hundred dollars a month we have to somehow find to make the payment. Added to that, when I told him about my new self employment he laughed, saying that if I was going to inspire people to hire me to care for their gardens, I would first have to get mine in better shape, and to top things off, my partner's mother offered to pay me to work in my own garden.

I know what my partner's parents opinion of me is, and it's difficult for me not to share it, being that I haven't held down a long term job in more than twenty years, and that my depression had made it so that I couldn't even drum up the enthusiasm needed to take care of my responsibilities here at home. It's difficult for me not to feel like a failure when I've spent most of my life dependent on others, and especially so at this time, when every penny coming into this house is desperately needed.

What had felt like an accomplishment the week before, suddenly didn't measure up, and the pride I felt about having started my little enterprise and gaining a bit of independence from my partner seemed like something only a child should be proud of. All the steam had left me, and I went back to work on Monday feeling like I was working my ass off for nothing. By Tuesday evening I was exhausted, and feeling more than a little sorry for myself.

Even now as I write this I'm struggling to not let these thoughts bring me back down, but the reason I am writing this is not to wallow in my self pity. Thursday afternoon I went back to work and something miraculous happened. I found myself whistling again, ... and that's kind of big in it self, because I don't whistle very well at all. (Grin)

You see, I really do enjoy gardening, and seeing the results of my hard work. I took a few minutes break from my weeding and trimming that afternoon and looked around at what I had done, and it looked very good. There's something very satisfying about tackling the chaos of an overgrown garden and turning it back into something beautiful. I might not have taken a course, or know the latin names of the plants that I'm dealing with, but I have an instinct for it, and I do know what I am doing, and that can only improve with experience.

I'm conscientious, and I'm not afraid of hard work, and this is what I am offering to those who hire me. I just started this business, and even though I might not be raking in the money right now when it is needed, there's no telling what will come of this little venture of mine. It probably never will become a cash cow, but it should gain me a bit of financial independence from my partner. More importantly, it's reminded me of some things about myself that I admire, some very basic things that I had forgotten, and need to hang onto to maintain my self respect.

I was foolish to let someone else's opinion take that away from me after so recently regaining it, and I've made a promised to myself to do everything I can in the future not to let that happen again.

So today, instead of going back to working at that over grown garden, like I had planned, and to tell you the truth, I can't wait to get back at it, I went to visit a couple of prospective clients, a retired man who wants me to maintain his flower beds, not much, but it's good to line up something long term, and a woman who wants me to work for her tomorrow. The later was only suppose to be a couple of hours work, but because of my having popped in to see her today, she's already talking about having me come back to do more, and she hasn't even seen what I'm capable of yet. :)