Dr. Seuss is in

This came to me tonight from half way around  the world:

So don't give up. Those who know you properly know you're a wonderful
person with a huge heart. Keep being yourself, because, as Dr. Seuss says
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

During my counseling we talked about some pretty heavy stuff, dug deep underneath the layers to get to the source.  And yet tonight this simple message of caring cut through all the chaos and provided a balm for my hurting heart.

Sometimes you just need to know that someone cares. 

Thank you. 

I give up.

Grief

When a friend leaves you, it feels like they've died, on purpose. 

OMG!!

A friend just posted this on Facebook and I thought OMG, this is ME! ... Although I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a girl, not ever in fact, but I can't deny that the shoe fits.

But you know, whoever made this probably doesn't know me, so the problem has to be more common than I thought. 

... Apparently I'm not a "horrid monster" after all. Just a human being struggling like everyone else to do the best I can with what I've been given. :) 

a prayer

I promise to always try to live with an open heart and to love deeply, no matter how many times I am hurt, no matter how often I am told that I am not worth being loved in return.

I promise to accept that loving with an open heart means that I am vulnerable, that the two go hand in hand.  But I will not apologize for my vulnerability to those who reject me, nor will I accept that I am to blame for it, for I know that vulnerability is what allows me to love as I do.

I will not apologize for needing to be loved, nor for asking for it, or hoping for it, or even expecting it when I've been given reason to.  But if it is my lot to always have to do without, then I promise that I will try very hard to make my own loving be that which fulfills my need.

Gratitude

As  I am thinking about the events that have occurred in my life this week, both the joyful and the sad, and about how such emotions can exist in ones life at the same time,  I find peace in the words that Reverend Shana,  (my  First Unitarian Church of Victoria Minister) shared with me:

“The choice to bless the world is more than an act of will,

a moving forward into the world

with the Intention to do good.

It is an act of recognition, a confession of surprise, a grateful acknowledgment

that in the midst of a broken world

Unspeakable beauty, grace and mystery abide.” 

From ‘Choose to Bless the world’ ~ Rev. Rebecca Parker, President of the Starr King School for the Unitarian Universalist ministry, Berkeley, CA.

Mixed feelings

How can life hold such joy and such sorrow at one time? 

My heart hurts so much I can't bear it.

To anyone who doesn't believe that my love is genuine. I just said good-bye to someone I love very much because I cant stand to hurt her anymore.  Part of me, the part that feels devastated  about  what I just lost, can't believe I would make such a sacrifice. The other half knowing that I would do anything for those I love is not surprised, and is proud that I have followed through with my conviction. 

Right now I don't know whether to pat myself on the back, or scream at myself, "traitor, what have you done!!!? 

Wish me luck

So I think I'm prepared for tomorrow's service. ... I wish I could tell someone about it tonight.  but I don't like blowing my own horn, and I don't think I should talk about this on Facebook. My bit's only about 4 minutes long, but still, it's means a lot to me, and I want to do a good job

I could use a bit of cheerleading support right now. Alison's not much into that sort of thing. So I'm hoping that at least maybe there's someone out there listening who wishes me well... 

Truth is like a river

No two rivers are alike, each changing direction and flow as they course through their own unique landscape, fitting perfectly to every hill and vale, every rock or soft yielding shore. 

 To state that ones own truth is more valid then the next is like expecting all rivers to flow the same way regardless of the lay of the land they inhabit.