Dear Mom

Dear Mom;

I am writing this in an attempt to release myself from the hurt and blame that you bestowed upon me when I visited you at the beginning of this Month, and I'm writing it in here instead of sending it to you, because I know it will fall on deaf ears, and you will not hear what I need to say.

 I did not ruin the perfect visit that you had planned for me, as you said I did. I did not abuse you the whole time I was there, and I certainly am not responsible for the misery you experienced while I was growing up. I was just a child; I wasn't suppose to be responsible for anything but growing up; it was suppose to be the other way around.

I did not mean to insult you by telling you that your snoring was keeping me awake. I would not have said anything except for the fact that after a long day of traveling, the four hours time difference, and three nights of not being able to sleep, I was exhausted and at my wits end. I badly needed a good nights sleep, and because you told me I was also keeping you awake with my snoring when I finally did sleep, I did not see any harm with suggesting that I move to the living room. I had no idea my suggestion would be such a problem for you.

After you went to sleep with Andre out in the living room on the pull-out couch, I had every right to close the bedroom door to afford myself some privacy. I am an adult, and it was my business if I wanted to put up with the air not circulating into that room well enough to keep it at optimal temperature. Neither you or Andre had any right to scream at me as if I were some errant child to "leave the fucking door open!"  ... And when you finally DID allow me to sleep on the couch, after a couple nights of it hurting your back so much that you couldn't bear it any longer, I did not break it because I was 'too big for it',  like you said I would.

Despite what you and Dr. Oz say about anti-depressants destroying your brain, I will continue to take what my doctor has prescribed for me because I feel they help me. This however, is not meant in anyway as a slight to you, even though you stated it very clearly that I was wrong and that I will one day regret not listening to my mother.

When I disagreed with you that having already paid for the use of the Queens name was the reason three Canadian cities called their hospitals: The Queen Elizabeth 2, I was not implying, thinking, or meaning to say that you were stupid. I am so very sorry you took it so. I believe that people can have different opinions and not think each other stupid.  I am 53 years old and I have lived long enough to have developed my own opinions separate from yours, but that does not mean that I don't respect your opinion, or you, for that matter.  Please believe this.

I did not develop an allergy to frangrances  just to cause you and Andre grief, and the allergic reaction I had while there was not not meant to slight you in anyway. I fail to understand why it angered you both so very much. I've had these allergies for a long time now, and you  knew I had them, yet you did nothing to prepare for my visit, and then you act as if I've made an imposition. Once I noticed that I was having a problem I upped my daily dose of antihistamine.  I did not ask you stop washing your hair because of fragrance in your shampoo, and I felt it was very hurtful of you to use that  as an excuse why you couldn't take me into town to see my father on my last day there.

Despite what you think, I AM worth you letting me use your fragrance free laundry detergent, and I AM worth sharing your expensive healthy margarine with. If healthy is good for you, then it's just as good for me. I am your daughter, you're suppose to want to share the good things with me, not tell me that I'm not good enough to.

I am sorry I didn't turn out the way you wanted me too. I am sorry I not a good enough daughter; I am sorry that I was ever born. There, is that apology enough for you?

I am having a really bad day.