So my father's collapsed, and is now in the hospital. he's just been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. ... I haven't talked to him in over fifteen years, and now he's dying. My Mom says he could go any minute. She thinks I should phone him.
... Maybe I should phone him, but I don't know what to say. What do you say to your abusive father who's about to die? Part of me actually is thinking 'good riddance'; the other part doesn't really know what to think.
He sounds very old...
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should do what your heart and conscience dictate. Once he has gone you cannot change your mind and play it differently. Does he deserve a final farewell from you? Only you can answer that, Dar.
ReplyDeleteI phoned him Mike. He's not the same man he was, and I forgave him the moment I heard his voice. We couldn't talk long; he doesn't have a phone in his room, and the Nurse let us use the floor's phone. Before we hung up, I told him I would talk to him again, but I don't know if I will be able to. ... He won't be leaving the hospital. His body's full of cancer, and he's going to be moved to the palliative care ward.
DeleteHe's going to die there, and I should be there, but I don't have the money to go.
Its all so surreal. I thought I'd hate him for the rest of my life, but I don't anymore. I'm sad for what was lost and for what he must be going through. ... And I don't want him to die alone, thinking that no one cares, because I do.