Nature

I'm at home here.

Here where the light glows green though leaves that dance with the slightest breeze,
changing patterns a thousand times as the sun travels through the day.

Where the fire's smoke finds the quickest path through the towering maple and spruce, wrapping itself around the moss covered branches like an attentive lover,

making its way to the open sky and to all that is God.

I belong here. 

Here where the sun caresses my skin with its warmth and the mosquito bites without judgement.

I am a part of it all; intertwined, interconnected;

my interaction just as appropriate and welcome as a gust of wind,
or a spray of sparks, 

flying up into the night sky.

Problematic

I'm sorry I am such a problem for people; I really am, but that doesn't mean that I take all the responsibility for the problem.  It makes me sad that how I am upsets others so much because that's not what I want to do. I feel people's emotions just like they are my own, so I certainly can empathize with what they are feeling... But my self respect demands that I accept who and how I  am, even if others don't.

I've been told all my life that I'm too much for people; too deep, too emotional, too invested... I try to adjust my behaviour to accommodate them, (which I thought I was doing all along), but I cannot accept that I am the only one who is suppose to do that if I'm to get along in this world, that it's all my responsibility because my difference means that there is something wrong with me.

I  can't live my life always having to figure out what parts of myself are unacceptable so that I can hide them away like a dirty secret. I can't do that and still love myself or believe that I am worthy of other people's love.   

I'm sorry but I just can't be what people want me to be. And other  than their wanting  less of how I am, I don’t even know what they expect, especially when the very  same people who say I’m a problem say that respect and dignity is an inherent right, and that it's important to live your life with integrity...  But when I do it, people don't seem to like it very much.

 …. I don’t think living with integrity is something you are suppose to apply when dealing with people you want to have like you. I think that must be one of those unspoken game rules that I just don’t get.