In the spring and summer I'm a gardener. I work hard for my clients and feel good about it. I have a few bucks in my pocket then and I feel proud that I have the opportunity to say "it's on me" to my partner and friends.
During the winter, I'm a house keeper and I'm lousy at it. I keep having to push myself to do the work. The satisfaction of a job well done is short lived because it keeps having to be done again and again, and my accomplishments fade away as the dishes pile up once more and the ring in the toilet bowl becomes more pronounced.
So I've been trying to discipline myself, but it seems that the more I accomplish this and accept that I have to do the things I have to do, the more I feel I'm squelching my creativity, and forcing myself to be something I'm just not.
Obviously the rewards of my summer job are more to my liking than my winter job, so my self-discipline is easier then to come by. I've never been very good at reconciling the conflict I have between impulsive and disciplined behaviour. Mostly I just end up not doing anything because I can't do one without feeling remorseful or guilty about not doing the other. I should be cleaning right now, but the tedium of removing the bits of exploded food from the inside of the microwave brought on a dullness of mind that I just couldn't endure a moment longer without expressing it.
I feel much better now for having expressed it, and writing that sentence about the toilet bowl ring. Maybe now that I've satisfied a creative impulse, I can get back to the cleaning and feel good about it, ... just like I'm suppose to do.
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Location:Canada